1) People don’t like to laugh about their money.
2) People will laugh if it can break the tension in our anxieties about money.
So here we go: the Holy Grail of financial writing; some long-thought-lost humor.
On Taxes, An Election Cycle Evergreen:
“I’m proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.” – Arthur Godfrey
“No taxation without misrepresentation.” – Samual Hofenstein
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.” – Herman Wouk
“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.” – Paula Poundstone
“The IRS sent back my tax return saying that I owed $800. I said, “If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you have been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.” – Emo Phillips
One Wall Streeter to another; “I can tell that it’s tax season, I can smell the resentment in the air.” – The Wall Street Journal (WSJ)
On Financial Advice:
Grumpy man to his wife, watching a talking head on TV; “How come none of these economists are unemployed?” – WSJ
In “Dilbert”: Dilbert to Wally, “I saw an article that says most people don’t have any kind of retirement plan.” Wally; “I plan to live an unhealthy lifestyle and pass away in my cubicle, preferably on a Monday.” Dilbert; “That’s a terrible plan.” Wally; “Better than average, according to you.”
“I will have enough money to live on comfortably in retirement if I die by 4 o’clock.” – Henny Youngman
In Dilbert; Ashok, the intern; “I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market.” Pointy-haired boss; “Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns?” Ashok; “Then how does ‘advice’ actually work?” Pointy-haired boss; “It only works for the people who give it.”
Dilbert, again; “Ashok; “I bought my first stock and it went up 5% in the first week. That means that I am a stock-picking genius. I plan to max out all of my credit cards and become a day trader.” Dilbert, looking at computer; “The total market was up 6%.” Ashok; “That’s just luck. It can’t do that forever.”
“I figured out how we can afford our daughter’s wedding – we’ll just die 2 years early.” Jeff Brown, M.D.
Source: Physician’s Money Digest